My 18th birthday party

girls.jpgI hate parties. Well, I at least hate parties for myself. Last night was my 18th birthday party. At the beginning, I was stressed and nervous. What if the music didn’t work? What if no-one came? etc etc. One of the main things that I was stressed about was the fact that not many people were coming. I have some friends that invited over a hundred people to their parties. I only had 77 and only about 50 made it. It made me feel as if I had no friends.  When people did start coming, my anxiety was relieved…a little. I started to worry that everyone thought it was boring. Probably the best part of the party was when a lot of people were dancing. This didn’t last that long. Most people just sat and talked. At about 9:30 I started to wish that I was at home in my bed, with my well-read ‘Pride and Prejudice’. If I was there I wouldn’t have to worry about who came to the party and who was enjoying themselves. I didn’t even have to worry about Elizabeth Bennet’s chances of marrying well. I could enjoy Mr Darcy’s first conceited proposal because I knew that it would all end well.  At about 10:00 I was asked if I was enjoying my party by a fellow YITSer and I came to the realization that I wasn’t. I didn’t want to be there. I wanted to go home. 10:30 was the worst part of the night. Almost everybody left. There were only a few YITSers there just talking. Some people didn’t even say goodbye. It was if they were at the party because they were obligated. I felt like the biggest loser.  At eleven I decided that it was time to wind it up. I didn’t want to be there. It was so humiliating.   I am an introvert through and through. I don’t like parties and I will never have a million friends. At first this hurt. A lot. There are so many things that have been slapping me in the face lately. The party, YITS, the ‘storming’ phase and my incapability to get of my butt and do something.  I know that my problems with myself [whether I am good enough, whether I am part of the group, whether I am boring or not etc] has to have been derived from experiences that I’ve had. I’ve never felt as if I have truly fit it, or whether I was worth being friends with. But the main effect of these experiences have come from my own thinking and how I interpret them. Maybe I am a little paranoid. More later…


About blair

Generally described as "a bit odd", loves books, adores music, thinks movies are wonderful and is rather attatched to art.
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3 Responses to My 18th birthday party

  1. emily says:

    blair, for what it’s worth, i just wanted to say that you are most DEFINETELY worth being friends with! Your friendship means so much to me…you’re so easy to talk to and fun to laugh with (and it’s even fun when you’re laughing at me…sometimes..hehe). But more to the point i love you because you are Blair! Thankyou so much for being an AWESOME AWESOME friend! I love you.
    love em xox

  2. Marita says:

    blair, ditto on emily, i love you so much and value your friendship a lot. you really are a great and awesome friend, and i love that i share so many likes with you. you fit right into my heart. lol that was corny. your party was lots of fun blair, so don’t think it was a flop, I’m sorry i had to leave early but i didn’t want to fall asleep driving home, something i am capable of unfortuately. so don’t beat urself up everyone i talked to had fun, and it was great for lots of people to catch up and socialize. You really are an awesome friend. I love you as much as emily does, i also love artic monkeys. lol luv marita xoxoxox

  3. Davo says:

    You are VERY paranoid! There is nothing to worry about Blair! You are definetly worth being friends with! its too bad i only realised that at the end of this year!
    Love (and a high 5) Davo

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