Well, where do I begin? The class I had today (Influence, all about uncovering the ways in which we are influenced in the western world), was pretty intense. I guess I already knew that I was pretty affected by the culture of today. There is always some CD that I absolutely have to have or another book that I need to read. I feel as if I can’t survive without them.
This is a load of crap.
Did you know that everyone in Australia is in the top 1% richest people in the world? That poverty stricken Australian’s are included in this bracket? Did you know that if we stopped buying iPod’s for a week, we could feed the world? Are you as disgusted and embarrassed as I am?
I hate the consumer culture. I hate the fact that I don’t think I will be able to survive if I don’t buy the new Arctic Monkeys album. Today my lecturer, Mark Sayers, told us that part of our assessment is to spend 24hrs without any distractions. That means no internet, no music, no reading, no eating because I am bored, no socializing, no TV, no telephone, no homework, no cleaning my room etc etc. I can’t even read my bible (much any way). All we can do is journal about our experience of no distractions and sit and think. We can’t even journal that much. When Mark said this, the entire class was in uproar. ‘No friends?’, ‘No music?’, ‘Are we allowed to paint?’ Looking back, it was actually kind of funny. Look at us. We can’t live without some form of escapism. I am half dreading the assignment and half looking forward to it. Not that the prospect of sitting and thinking about how I screwed up I am inside is something I am particularly excited about. It’s the result that of the assignment that I am looking forward to.
The big issue in my life at the moment is discovering who I am and what I am doing with my life. I don’t know they answer to either of these questions. And I’m not entirely sure if I want to. But I do know that I am unhappy as I am. The thought of letting God tear me apart and then putting me together again is quite scary. It will be painful and I will probably be even more miserable than I am now for a quite a while. But I know that I will be a much better person because of it. As the Relient K song says “The end will justify the pain it took to get us there.”
The funny thing is, Influence class isn’t the only place that I am being pressured to sort myself out. Spirit class is pretty much saying the same thing. We have to do this assignment where we actually we have to write up a statement of who we are. This requires us to sit down each day for about 5 minutes and dig deep. One way of doing this is writing your name in the middle of a blank page and writing down everything that you know about yourself. I did this the other night and was quite disturbed by the results. I didn’t like 75% of the things I came up with.
Today in class, Mark said something that really struck me. It was a little light bulb went off in my head. He said how we can’t dig deep into ourselves and discover who we really are without the help of God. I can’t do it on my own. Pretty basic huh? I mean, every Christian knows that. We are dependant on God. I even knew that. I just hadn’t really thought about it. I thought about they way I was dealing with my life and my problems and realized that I was doing it completely on my own. Where was God? I don’t know, I didn’t ask him to help. I figure, since I seem to be making no progress with journey to self-discovery, I can’t do it without God. He is at the centre of everything, so why not here?
Wow, I’ve written a lot, so I’ll stop here.
All I’m saying is, my life is nothing without God. I haven’t been reading my Bible, or praying, or doing his will. And I am unhappy. It doesn’t take much to put 2 and 2 together.