I don’t like it like this

I’ve been feeling really low about everything for a while now.

I can’t really write it myself so I think I’ll let Thom Yorke explain it for me. Although I’m pretty sure this wasn’t what he meant when he wrote it.

Where do we go from here?
The words are coming out all weird
Where are you now when I need you?
Alone on an airplane
Falling asleep against the window pane
My blood will thicken

I need to wash myself again
To hide all the dirt and pain
I’d be scared that there’s nothing underneath
And who are my real friends?
Have they all got the bends?
Am I really sinking this low?

My baby’s got the bends
We don’t have any real friends
I’m just lying in a bar with my drip feed on
Talking to my girlfriend
Waiting for something to happen
And I wish it was the sixties
I wish I could be happy
I wish
I wish
I wish that something would happen

- The Bends, Radiohead

I hope you get my meaning.

Where two oceans meet

Ok, so yeah, my post Unlock the Door was a bit dramatic…ok more than a bit.

The thing I love about God is that He is extremely creative. He can use the most rubbish experience and turn it into something beautiful. Since Soul Survivor I haven’t really made anything. I’ve done the odd scribble in my journal, but overall I’ve sort of been squashing my creative impulses. This doesn’t sound like a good thing but I think it is part of a process. I have sort have been limiting my creativity to cute & crafty. I put myself into an Elsie Flannigan box. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE Elsie Flannigan, but it’s not all I am.

It’s like, I took a piece of clay and moulded it into what I wanted it to look like. The whole Soul Survivor experience was like God squashing it flat and now, he’s slowly remoulding it into what it should be. I’m experimenting with my creativity and attempting things I haven’t tried before. God has given me passion for music, beauty, movies, books and particularly morbid things  for a reason. I’m trying to see how I can use all of those things for him. Making things makes me happy.

When I was at Soul Survivor, I went and saw the lovely Dusk speak about vocation and she used this quote.

“The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness & the world’s deep hunger meet” – Frederic Buechner

I’ve found my deep gladness, now I just have to find where it meets with the world’s deep hunger.